Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
