Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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