Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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