wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
