If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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