there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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