1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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