So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
