I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
