in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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