After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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