Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
