somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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