me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
