um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Drake has all the answers
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
