You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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