Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
