foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i will never coherently bang her
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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