Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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