That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
