Small penises have feelings too.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
