Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
