This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
