Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
