Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
