you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
