He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
