Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it hurts more in the daytime
I just gift wrapped bread.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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