That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and i looked up. we had an audience...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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