scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
