Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
