Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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