Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
