I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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