I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
