...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
