My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
