I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
