I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
