I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
