Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
