I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think people are normalizing furries
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
