Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
