I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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