made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Randomize
