I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
