My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
