swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
