Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
