a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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