My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
