i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
