The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
